The reasons students blurt out for their lateness vary like the “real” and “original” Pares eateries here in the metro. There are the “Ma’am traffic po” to the “Nasiraan po“. These are utterly unthinkable and are as fictional as Darna herself! Professors should never believe these fairytale-like reasons.

Traffic jams? In our bustling “organized” metropolis?

Mechanical Breakdown? In our first class Jeepney engines?

Floods? Due to our perfect drainage systems unclogged by trash?

Sickness? Would one get sick of our perfectly healthy environment?

Now, allow me to present you some actually believable reasons that students out there, should utter when caught in that familiar warp in time when we are actually late:

1. “I have been pondering about the future of our country sir”

With the sudden appearance of social awareness posters and banners proclaiming the unwaering support of different political and social causes, why would the professor not believe you if you told him that you were in deep thought of the political, socio-economic short-term future of the country?

2. “I suddenly felt the need to cook for myself a healthy, neo-vegan breakfast”

The new millennium ushered in so many new “healthy” eating alternatives that your enlightenment to consuming carbohydrate-void, fat zapped, tasteless vegetables and your shunning of everything delicious is not much a surprise anymore.

3. “Ma’am nanalo po ako s Radio contest, I just had to pick up my two free bars of soap!”

With all the inanities of education, all the hardships we all go through, sometimes, we need a break, and listening to the radio and joining, then actually winning, a 2,405:1 possibility, may sound very enticing. This, I am very sure will be believable.

4. “I waited for the end of the world”

Mars whizzed through our planet, the biggest show in the country is in a language most of us can’t understand, the stars of that show came into our country to sing songs we again do not understand, the US is on a Military Power Trip, terrorist heads rise from the dead, sardines now come in dilis sizes. With all of this happening today, what stops the whole world from tearing the seams?

5. “Sir kala ko may mutiny”

Mutiny gossips abound like sidewalk vendors. Mutiny is the new people power. So chic!

6. “Taga Malabon po ako”

Tell your professor to imagine living in a semi-marsh land where having a top-floor apartment in a two storey buiding is no guarantee of being safe from floodwater. Tell him to come on school on time everyday.

7. “Taga Bundok po ako”

You are an enlightened citizen who has chosen to lead a life of piety and reflection on the mountains, thus you have to take a 13 kilometer walk to the highway everyday. Neo-Buddhism at its finest.

8. “Sir, kayo naman, magkasama lang tayo kagabi diba?”

Professors are getting younger and zestier, students are getting more liberated and raunchier, don’t be surprised to hear this statement one of these days.

9. “I spent three hours just thinking of the perfect excuse”

Just tell him the truth. You find his subject boring. His face repulsive and the sun excruciating. So you deliberately get to his class late. Maybe he can accept the bitter truth. This is as possible as Lana Lang actually saying “Hi” to you.

10. “My jaguar broke down”

Dreams are free. A jaguar is a dream. Therefore Jaguar S-type Type-R’s are free. See that logic?

Well better luck the next time you are late.

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